corrupted

this corrosion of myself. lost days, pain caused. feast of hypocrisy. lies that move me away from the most precious thing i had in my whole life. now i am windowless, untrasparent. beyond recognition. ignite me.

cause i'm sick lousy bastard.

::: i need alcohol because it opens my blood i need alcohol because it empties my head :::

in the way of control

dummies against the wall. i am the master of empty time. from the moment the sun begins its journey till the moment it dies. the night does without time. i grow with darkness. it taught me all the words and feelings i know. it pours white wine into my veins. i like its gravity. or should i write her?

it's in the night, tonight, i listen to jesu's conqueror. it's in the night i blur my horizons. it's in the night i see beyond. it's in the night i find and lose love. it's in the night i fuck myself from behind.

 

::: spend your time waiting all the wasteful hating now who are you blaming? are we worth saving? :::

tattoo

one bears a slippery sign of a traitor.

one bears a sign of dog.

one is new.

the pictures won't tell you the whole story. nevermind, because it would burn like sun, the needle against the virgin skin. the dawn killers. unheard, merciless... take me to the place where no lights shine. ... back in the the days i did not live in the bottle.

the way it was.

the way it will never be again.

the way i am lost and losing.

no fix to it.

 

::: home :::

man next door

neighborhood. the cold shanghai. the headphones that will arrive in january. the dead families. riefenstahl. blue love. mountains. up. up. up. the bass, the drums. my dry ipod. and everything that has just disappeared from it. urine. be cool. the end is near. the performance is nearly finished. stahl. the gay director keeps returning. like birds longing for spring. the un/published diaries of samuel beckett - tales of boredom and guilt. did he drink? did he spend his nights drinking. your chinese skin. to stay. to get away. sunshine.  see you in ...

::: all through the night :::

this way up

::: just like the snow under my feet :::

in der tragik der tragik das schöne sehn

... no light ... no sounds ... the movie has just ended. i can't see you anywhere. the shore is empty but full of traces. which are yours? where do they lead? i am no longer able to distinguish the sea from the darkness. silence. then distortion. the eternal rift. i hate the word "never". because it is my closest friend in these days. 

::: melts away :::